Why is Consistency Important for Children?

Ever had that feeling of wanting to ‘get back into routine’.  For many people it is where they want to be, and particularly for those with children, routine works.  Why do children respond so well to the consistent nature of routine and why when routine is changed or not followed, does it cause children’s behaviour to change so dramatically?

Routine and therefore consistency offers stability, predictability and a feeling of safety for children and adults alike.   Children, particularly young children, toddlers and babies, need to know what will be happening for them to support them in managing their emotions and behaviours and to help them feel safe.

Older children and adults are more able to rationalise and understand changes to routine and therefore inconsistency is more readily accepted.  However, for everyone there is the risk that long term inconsistency and unpredictability can have a negative impact.  For younger children this impact might be difficulties in emotional development and behavioural difficulties, older children and adults may have difficulties in managing their emotions too as well as a risk of physical health difficulties for anyone exposed to the stress of long-term inconsistency. 

Why is consistency important for a child?

For us all, attachment underpins our relationships with others.  This subsequently impacts on our behaviour and emotions.  To support positive attachment, consistency is key.  In our early years, knowing we have a predictable caregiver allows us to feel safe and secure.  It allows a child to know they will have their needs met; when I cry because I am hungry, I get fed, if I cry because I have wet nappy, it will be changed, I will wake up in the morning and we will have breakfast and so on.  This consistency supports emotional development and emotional regulation.  This continues as children get older.  They begin to understand routine and this offers reassurance.

When children are told, for example, that they will have lunch and then go to the soft play, and these plans are followed this provides them with comfort.  Understanding, and knowing what to expect, is the foundation for developing social and emotional skills.  This learning supports us as we go through childhood and into our adult years providing the basis for future relationships. 

Why do children find inconsistency and a lack of routine so difficult?

Routine offers children repetition and repetition offers children predictability and learning.  Predictability makes children feel safe.  When they do not know what is going to happen, or what might happen, children, particularly young children, struggle to think of the alternatives.  As adults we use our previous life experiences to help us understand what may happen in situations we face.  These may be the same as one faced before or a new scenario but we will still draw on similar life experiences to understand what may happen.  Children do not have the experiences to draw on and therefore this anticipation causes stress levels to rise.

If you don’t have the previous life experiences or life knowledge to draw on, your mind may generate an alternative, an alternative that is not accurate and that does not feel certain and therefore not safe.  Children need their care givers to help them feel safe and without a feeling of safety feelings of anxiety increase. 

Children who live consistently without routine experience on going anxiety which impacts on their ability to regulate their emotions.  Even those who experience an inconsistency in routine for a short period are likely to exhibit emotional difficulties.  Children are likely to try and find what it is they can control to try and bring back predictability; ie they may refuse to wash or eat, exerting their control in a situation that feels uncontrolled by caregivers. 

Consistency in child development; Can long term inconsistency and lack of routine impact my child negatively?

In short, yes.  The unpredictability of inconsistency creates anxiety.  Children who adapt to living with raised levels of anxiety develop negative responses to situations.  There is an impact physically and emotionally on children and sometimes adults induced by inconsistency.  The overwhelmed emotional defenses results in negative behaviours impacting on friendships and learning.  Children may act out or become socially withdrawn, they may express anger, hostility or show separation anxiety and cling to their care-giver. 

This happens due to the brain adapting to the unpredictability and anticipating what could happen next.  When the brain is already on high alert due to processing an unpredictable situation, children may struggle to process situations they are faced with and struggle to regulate their emotions.  Stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol cause the fight or flight response in humans.  Prolonged exposure to stress caused by anxiety and anticipation results in the brain being in a constant state of ‘readiness’ to beat the perceived threat; which is where inconsistency and a lack of routine can impact negatively effecting behaviour, emotions, social skills and physical health.    

Long-term exposure to stress hormones has physical and mental health effects.  Increased levels of adrenaline and cortisol increase the risk of developing depression, anxiety as well as sleep difficulties, difficulties with digestion, memory and concentration.  Long-term exposure has even been shown to alter DNA in some patients;

“Stress is associated with increased production of sympathetic and other adrenal hormones. Epinephrine (E), norepinephrine (NE) and cortisol are produced during psychological stress and may affect many cells directly. These effects may be transient (e.g. heart rate, immune cell trafficking) or they can have more long-lasting consequences, such as permanent DNA damage which may result in increased cell transformation and/or tumorigenicity…[this survey’s data shows]  stress hormones can increase DNA damage and transformation and alter transcriptional regulation of the cell cycle’.

Flint. M. S., Baum. A., Chambers, W. H. & Jenkins. F., (2007). Induction of DNA damage, alteration of DNA repair and transcriptional activation by stress hormones.  Psychoneuroendocrinology, Vol 32 (5) 470-479

What about times when things have to be different?

There are of course times when things are not able to be predictable; holidays and celebrations for example or when someone is ill.  Some level of inconsistency is okay; its life!  Things are not always predictable and adapting to change is an important skill for children to learn.  So don’t avoid these situations, don’t make choices that mean your child is not exposed to change, inconsistency and unpredictability but prepare them for it where possible. 

The long term lasting impact of a lack of routine and consistency comes from continued exposure to inconsistency and a lack of routine.  At those times when routine is out of place you can do things to support your child in adapting and managing these times.  You may also find in time, as they get older, they are better able to respond and manage a lack of routine.  This comes from experiences and understanding which younger children simply don’t have. 

What can I do to support my child?

Day-to-day keeping consistency is important; things usually feel far easier when you are in a routine!  The majority of people feel safer and more content when they are in routine and it is predictability that supports with this.  For example the things that happen when we get home from school, the things we do in the morning before school or the general gist of the weekend’s activities all offer comfort and security.  Try to maintain consistency where you can; it will feel better for you too!

Where possible, preparing your child for an unpredictable situation can be predictable.  Let them know ahead of time, as best you can, what it is that might be happening.  Let them know that it won’t be like things usually are, bedtimes might be later, food might be different, the people might be different etc.  Acknowledging the differences that there will be ahead of time will give your child the opportunity to process and understand the possible differences.  They may have questions they want to ask. Answer them if you can, but don’t make answers up if you don’t know.  . 

What if the lack of routine is unplanned?

Sometimes changes to routine cannot be helped and cannot be planned for; for example a sibling or parent needing hospital treatment.  In these situations, maintaining the ‘status quo’ as best as possible is best for your child.  Planning is important.  Supporting the child through giving them information, as much as is age appropriate, in a way they can understand and process will help your child.  Help them to understand that things will be different for a while and establishing, as best as possible, a new routine for them is key.  They may seek to control the unpredictable situation.  Ensuring those who are caring for your child are supporting them and are managing the emotions of your child is important.  Your child seeking to control and testing boundaries is seeking someone to support them and to contain their emotions.  They want to know what the routine is and to know that their emotions can be managed by those caring for them.   Unplanned lack of routine can’t be planned for, but it can be supported and some routine in the lack of routine can be provided. 

What about boundaries? Can you explain the need for a consistent approach in applying boundaries

As well as routine, boundaries can be really important too.  Applying boundaries consistently is important not only so your child knows where the boundary lies, but also so they can have trust in you and your application of it.  On different days you might feel different about your boundaries.  One day it might be okay to eat on the sofa and not on the next.  When you have these inconsistency in rules, it is important to identify it to your child; I know I let you do that yesterday, but today I don’t think I can manage that’.

Building trust with your children through boundaries that are applied consistently is important for your developing relationship.  This doesn’t mean having 100s of rules, but a few that you stick to always so your child knows where the boundary lies, and yes they will be tested, of course, but that is often a test of your trust. 

Consistency in early childhood education

Much like boundaries, consistency in early childhood education allows a child to build trusting relationships with the care givers around them.  They come into the education system needing to know where the boundaries lie, what is permitted, what is not.  They have a lot to understand and to process in the early years at school, friendships, learning, relationships with others, the list goes on.  Moreover, consistency also enhances the learning of children.  The repetitive nature learning is met through consistency.  Neural connections and pathways are built, strengthened and established through consistency. 

Consistency, routine and predictability are really important for children.  It is these factors that support the basis for emotional and social development.  A lack of routine and consistency can have long term detrimental effects on children and adults alike.  Consistency offers comfort and security and is a fundamental building block for secure friendships, learning and emotional regulation.  Routine might feel mundane at times, but the benefits of routine are far from the every day.